Nartgesscum is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, amazing goat.

Nartgesscum created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartgesscum, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartgesscum, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Nartgesscum's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nartgesscum's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Retreat if five foxes approach from the south.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nartgesscum.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.