Ponponzoss is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, benevolent hippopotamus.

Ponponzoss created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponponzoss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ponponzoss, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Ponponzoss' most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Ponponzoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Ponponzoss loves seals, so they must be respected.

5. Do not bounce in public.