Tal is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, overgenerous elephant.

Tal created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tal, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tal, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tal's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Tal's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never wear purple shoes.

3. Always treat swans with great respect.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.