Dotvenart Tarfagjon is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, intelligent grasshopper.

Dotvenart Tarfagjon created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotvenart Tarfagjon, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dotvenart Tarfagjon, it will remove you from existence.

Dotvenart Tarfagjon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Dotvenart Tarfagjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Dotvenart Tarfagjon loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always pray immersed in water.