Loprakbap Tinbed is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonourable duck.

Loprakbap Tinbed created matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Loprakbap Tinbed, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Loprakbap Tinbed, he will turn you into a rat.

Loprakbap Tinbed's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Loprakbap Tinbed's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.