Lanwanlab is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, stupid eagle.

Lanwanlab created oxygen nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanwanlab, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lanwanlab, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lanwanlab's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Lanwanlab's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Run away from purple dolphins, for they are unholy.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never mention frogs.