Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, sage dog.

Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut, he will destroy your home planet.

Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Loggabflanzenhinnarlmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never play with disobedient children.