Futquartgon is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, merciful goat.

Futquartgon created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futquartgon, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Futquartgon, he will ignore you.

Futquartgon's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Futquartgon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

2. Never go into orange rooms.

3. Erect six silver sculptures of Futquartgon on top of important buildings.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.