Fumcidarmbut is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, passionate snake.

Fumcidarmbut created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumcidarmbut, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fumcidarmbut, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Fumcidarmbut's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Fumcidarmbut's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear black.

2. Never wear fawn rings.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.