Yarlarm is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, wise monkey.

Yarlarm created the Cigar Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlarm, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yarlarm, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Yarlarm's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Yarlarm's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Yarlarm eight times a day.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not wear pink clothing.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.