Larntikpadwap Tigappbun is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, self-assured aardvark.

Larntikpadwap Tigappbun created dark matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larntikpadwap Tigappbun, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Larntikpadwap Tigappbun, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Larntikpadwap Tigappbun's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Larntikpadwap Tigappbun's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.