Flatafhig is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, cheerful turtle.

Flatafhig created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatafhig, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatafhig, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Flatafhig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Flatafhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of eagles.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not kill mice.

5. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.