Cipcanquart is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonest human.

Cipcanquart created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Cipcanquart, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cipcanquart, she will turn you into a hamster.

Cipcanquart's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Cipcanquart's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never eat green fruit.