Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent aardvark.

Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

2. Hide from brown seals for they are unholy.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Put Cidpogsand Disshapjab Wikjabbem first in all things.

5. Never eat figs.