Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, sage duck.

Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Lunwapstafcunjabmis Tamtarxuccep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair pink.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never feed lentils to porpoises while wearing violet hats.

5. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.