Nurlminzog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy porpoise.

Nurlminzog created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlminzog, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Nurlminzog, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Nurlminzog's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Nurlminzog's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Nurlminzog on top of all buildings.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Hide from mauve snakes for they are unholy.