Loopwadquill is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish goblin.

Loopwadquill created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopwadquill, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Loopwadquill, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Loopwadquill's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Loopwadquill's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Loopwadquill's priests.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Hide from white sharks for they are unholy.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Loopwadquill.