Futbutstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, passionate jackal.

Futbutstaf created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Futbutstaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futbutstaf, he will strike you with lightening.

Futbutstaf's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Futbutstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide from indigo pigs for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.