Sidpanwod is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, temperamental narwhal.

Sidpanwod created parasitic wasps seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sidpanwod, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sidpanwod, she will be very unhappy.

Sidpanwod's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Sidpanwod's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Sidpanwod must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not kill porpoises.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.