Lak is a god.

It takes the form of a large, capable shrew.

Lak created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lak, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lak, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lak's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention aardvarks.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never write about cell theory.