Febbomtik is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, emotional meerkat.

Febbomtik created the Cigar Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Febbomtik, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Febbomtik, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Febbomtik's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Febbomtik's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat bread.

2. Never feed figs to seals while wearing purple corsets.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Never think ill of sick squirrels.