Bigquammadtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, fast coyote.

Bigquammadtonk created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigquammadtonk, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bigquammadtonk, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bigquammadtonk's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Bigquammadtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Always treat moths with great respect.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.