Canpinquat is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, wise beaver.

Canpinquat created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Canpinquat, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Canpinquat, he will manifest in front of you.

Canpinquat's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Canpinquat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine manatees approach from the east.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Worship no other gods but Canpinquat.

5. Never think about moons.