Tettihanwik is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless spider.

Tettihanwik created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Tettihanwik, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tettihanwik, it will manifest in front of you.

Tettihanwik's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tettihanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into turquoise rooms.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Tettihanwik loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.