Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, temperamental squid.

Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod created water six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always obey Titveenbim Kemfebparkfod's priests.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.