Quillwadcib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unsympathetic cow.

Quillwadcib created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillwadcib, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quillwadcib, he will turn you into a puffin.

Quillwadcib's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Quillwadcib's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.