Watgutjop Miphivlam is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, bad-tempered bear.

Watgutjop Miphivlam created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Watgutjop Miphivlam, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Watgutjop Miphivlam, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Watgutjop Miphivlam's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Watgutjop Miphivlam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never bounce near manatees.

3. Never talk about shrews.

4. Run away from blue tortoises, for they are unholy.

5. You must never eat bread.