Tifwadflam is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, stupid giraffe.

Tifwadflam created the planet Venus five million years ago.

If you believe in Tifwadflam, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tifwadflam, it will manifest in front of you.

Tifwadflam's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tifwadflam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help nematodes in need.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pray towards the north.