Gessbissfut is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, ill-tempered alligator.

Gessbissfut created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbissfut, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gessbissfut, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Gessbissfut's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Gessbissfut's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt nematodes.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gessbissfut.

5. Never play with disobedient children.