Quagwik is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, egotistical cat.

Quagwik created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagwik, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quagwik, he will turn you into a plant.

Quagwik's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Quagwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Always wear yellow.