Jabcarcab is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, stupid ferret.

Jabcarcab created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabcarcab, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jabcarcab, it will remove you from existence.

Jabcarcab's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jabcarcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of snails.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Feed all hungry foxes.

5. Never pour water over plants.