Gudkonwad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited dolphin.

Gudkonwad created the planet Saturn two million years ago.

If you believe in Gudkonwad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gudkonwad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gudkonwad's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gudkonwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never eat figs.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Never talk about fire.