Flambastjam is a god.

He takes the form of a large, clever bear.

Flambastjam created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flambastjam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flambastjam, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Flambastjam's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Flambastjam's Holy Commandments

1. Flambastjam loves mites, so they must be respected.

2. You must never eat limes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Always look after injured foxes.