Ruttkikmum is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unthinking jaguar.

Ruttkikmum created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttkikmum, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ruttkikmum, it will torture you forever.

Ruttkikmum's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ruttkikmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. You must pray to Ruttkikmum four times a day.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Ruttkikmum on top of all buildings.

5. Never think ill of sick nematodes.