Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, wise penguin.

Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum, it will turn you into a snail.

Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Kemfarnkim Safyarlbed Pinbogcum four times a day.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not chop down trees.