Lamtarpneg Pantunfon is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unthinking walrus.

Lamtarpneg Pantunfon created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtarpneg Pantunfon, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lamtarpneg Pantunfon, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Lamtarpneg Pantunfon's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Lamtarpneg Pantunfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Hide if nine tortoises approach from the north.

4. Always help doves in need.

5. Never sit in the presence of shrews.