Bumgutcin is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, prudent lizard.

Bumgutcin created bats three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumgutcin, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bumgutcin, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Bumgutcin's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bumgutcin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Bumgutcin must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Badgers are not to be trusted.

5. Feed all hungry monkeys.