Nilltarrig Wapbepnak is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, tiresome porpoise.

Nilltarrig Wapbepnak created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilltarrig Wapbepnak, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nilltarrig Wapbepnak, he will be very sad.

Nilltarrig Wapbepnak's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Nilltarrig Wapbepnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Put Nilltarrig Wapbepnak first in all things.

4. Retreat if seven tapirs approach from the south.

5. Never bounce in holy places.