Pangtinhog is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, prudent dugong.

Pangtinhog created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pangtinhog, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pangtinhog, she will turn you into a tree.

Pangtinhog's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Pangtinhog's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Pangtinhog on top of important buildings.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Pangtinhog loves badgers, so they must be respected.

4. Never wear gray scarves.

5. Never talk about fire.