Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish crocodile.

Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid created the Milkyway nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Nurlcumhim Tabxemlid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

2. Run away from pink horses, for they are unholy.

3. Retreat if four moths approach from the south.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Respect your elders.