Gesswotlen Queeglipbin is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unfair dolphin.

Gesswotlen Queeglipbin created parasitic wasps six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesswotlen Queeglipbin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesswotlen Queeglipbin, she will refuse to believe in you.

Gesswotlen Queeglipbin's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gesswotlen Queeglipbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never look at comets.