Spagwikbafsand is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, omnipotent swallow.

Spagwikbafsand created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Spagwikbafsand, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Spagwikbafsand, it will turn you into a mole.

Spagwikbafsand's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Spagwikbafsand's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Spagwikbafsand loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat peanuts.

5. Never mention monkeys.