Gabquimtad is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, capable bear.

Gabquimtad created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Gabquimtad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gabquimtad, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Gabquimtad's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Gabquimtad's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gabquimtad.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never wear fawn jumpers.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.