Carfeblarncamortlib is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, smart gerbil.

Carfeblarncamortlib created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Carfeblarncamortlib, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Carfeblarncamortlib, he will turn you into a tree.

Carfeblarncamortlib's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Carfeblarncamortlib's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always treat seals with great respect.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Always help horses.