Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciless octopus.

Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf, she will turn you into a mole.

Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never eat strawberries.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Hide from turquoise sharks for they are unholy.

5. You must love Pidbarnzed Ladlaportpang Satnartarf.