Vigpasneg is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, calm weasel.

Vigpasneg created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigpasneg, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vigpasneg, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vigpasneg's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Vigpasneg's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near monkeys.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Run away from mauve sharks, for they are unholy.

4. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never run in the presence of tortoises.