Kadpanwon is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited tapir.

Kadpanwon created everything that exists seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadpanwon, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kadpanwon, she will refuse to believe in you.

Kadpanwon's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kadpanwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always wear orange.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not cook food in pots.