Habjonmildabwegfar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, dishonest tapir.

Habjonmildabwegfar created the planet Venus two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habjonmildabwegfar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Habjonmildabwegfar, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Habjonmildabwegfar's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Habjonmildabwegfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Hide from yellow gulls for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear white shorts.