Quamtifvon is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, irritating rhinoceros.

Quamtifvon created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtifvon, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quamtifvon, she will be mildly annoyed.

Quamtifvon's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Quamtifvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. You must pray to Quamtifvon eight times a day.

3. Always help gulls in need.

4. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

5. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Quamtifvon on top of important buildings.