Sisflapvig is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, two-faced squirrel.

Sisflapvig created a top quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sisflapvig, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sisflapvig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sisflapvig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Sisflapvig's Holy Commandments

1. Put Sisflapvig first in all things.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Never talk about seals.

4. Do not speak about wheat.

5. Do not stand on grass.